I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
