I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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