just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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