That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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