Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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