Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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