I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
