I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
it's not cheating when I paid for it
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
