literally had 100 drinks last night.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
