Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
