hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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