I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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