I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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