Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
