I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
