all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
