Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
