Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
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