What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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