It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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