I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
