How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I could make wine with my vomit
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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