the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
im about as happy as oj after his trial
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Do you have feelings for this penis?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
