I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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