Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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