I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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