If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
