my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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