was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
