The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
