i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
