Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
