Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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