have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
