Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
