i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
