I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
