well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Dicks are not precious.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
