We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
