There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
cat food counts as protein by the way
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
