Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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