is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
