It's Friday. Sex?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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