I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
