what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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