omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I love you. Go after that dick
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
