There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
