he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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