Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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