How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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